change.

Let’s get right to the point. I hate change. I know it’s cool to roll with the punches, be ok with being out of your comfort zone, yada yada ya.. But really, who actually likes it? I mean, I like some changes. Like getting a great lob after years of dull long hair. Or rearranging the room and letting new energy in. Or wearing flowy dresses after a winter full of tights and boots. That’s a nice change.

But the big, bad ones? Nah, I’ll pass. I mean, I wish I could.

Roko leaving for six months must be my least favorite ever, actually. I’ve been preparing for him to leave and be on a ship since we started dating. It’s his career, what he went to college for, it’s what we wished for and worked towards, yes. But now that it started, I already absolutely hate it.

I share a lot of things with you. I’m very open and honest about my life, my opinions, my feelings, the things I go through and think about.. So my first instict would usually be to talk to you about it. Let you know how I feel and what I plan to do, and how my days are going. As always, in hopes to connect, to let someone else in this or a similiar situation feel less alone. But this time, or for right now, I don’t feel like I wanna share anything with you.

With anyone actually.. I just need to go through this alone. Really feel it, really let it consume me and then get up on my feet again and keep moving. On my own.

I know how much love and support you send my way, and to Roko and I, and everything I do. I always appreciate it and it keeps me going. In a way, for so much support, I kind of feel like I owe you my words. So conciously, and a bit selfishly, I choose me over you, and keep them for myself anyway.

I hope you don’t mind.  In our new world, world of sharing and documenting, one I usually enjoy and participate in with my full heart.. In a world that’s -in a way- more connected than ever.. I choose to hold no one’s hand but my own, and disconnect into a silent solitute and a loud self love.

Sometimes, that is needed to.

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with e3 preset

Processed with VSCO with e3 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with e3 preset

Processed with VSCO with e3 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with e3 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

Processed with VSCO with v6 preset

 

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s