Where have you been?

Seeing as for the past year, I was somebody who loyally posts on Instagram every single day, a bunch of you were confused where I am for the past week. You even sent me messages saying you worry if I’m okay, and if everything is alright in my life.

First let me say – don’t be worried about me.

Worry about me when I’m on Instagram more than once a day, when I spend the time out of my life to scroll through the feed and see how someone else is living. Worry about me when I am ON the app for days instead of when I leave it for days.

And I know, some of you were just genuinely concerned or miss my posts, but let me be frank with you. I don’t miss it. I don’t miss anyone’s posts and any of the things that come with it.

Let’s just talk about the elephant in the room – yes, I’m weird. Moody insane artist blah blah blah.

I will however always speak my mind, even if it means I get major side eye – from everyone. I’ve “complained” about instagram, about the internet, about the people, and about myself MANY times in my captions.

I don’t like how consuming it is, how set up and fake it all is, how much time we spend on it, what a big part of our lives it is. I don’t like how it’s making us think or want certain things, how brainwashed we can get, how we read less books and do less things when we’re home because we’re on it. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging you, I’m not mocking you. I speak of ALL of us including myself.

I hate how it’s so normal now to be on it, that we don’t actually judge it. I see some people liking every single photo anyone I follow posted – no matter what time I come on. Meaning they’re glued to their phone and instagram, obsessively checking it, maybe the likes and comments, maybe just in general what other people are posting. And a little while ago, I wouldn’t judge it. I don’t now as well, to each their own – but I don’t think that’s completely fine. I don’t think it’s normal.

Remember how that used to be Facebook for everyone? You would come home and just open it in a tab and practically never close it. Chat with friends and not friends for hours, days, watch statuses, stalk pictures… Facebook is not that way any more. We get on it once a day, twice, maybe not even that. The shiny toy we got bored of. It’s just not as fun anymore. But we’re not clean. We’re still JUNKIES. We just all have a new, better, more colorful toy to play with.

Well, I’m over it. I was obviously an addict for quite some time, I’m not even gonna try to somehow justify myself or make myself sound like less of a sheep. I really LOVED it. I would check on it God knows how many times a day, I would automatically move my finger towards the app even when I wasn’t bored, and don’t even get me started on the rainy, boring, no-work days. I’d do an entire shift on there. But I’m quitting.

Just like that.

Where have I been? I have been living. Even if it was crappy and boring (it wasn’t but if it was) – it would still be better than living my life through a phone screen. I have been living. With my phone barely in my hands AT ALL. Gasp, I know. Hand me the medal.

I’ve been painting. I’ve been reading, visiting the library, reading online, making a list of books I need to still meet and love.

I have been playing with my dogs, I have been taking naps and chilling with them. I have been looking at the skies (since I have no phone in my hands, remember?) when I’m out. I’ve been taking photos of the mind blowing red-pinky clouds that rushed over the buildings. I have been writing, planning projects. Listening to podcasts, watching Ted talks, thinking. I have been free. I love it.

You guys know I love the internet, too. You know that. I mean, it’s an endless world of knowledge, information, things to see, things to let inspire you.

And I wouldn’t wanna let go of that. I still open my laptop and do the things I need to do.

But then I finish those things – and make time to do my things. To let that inspiration really work it’s magic so I can create and think and write down and do whatever it is I want to do.

Because all those hours of you getting “inspired”, but being so busy with it that you actually don’t do much on your own, or it completely abandons you by the time you actually get up and start working on it.. They’re bullshit. And wasted and you know it.

I’m not writing this to convince you to delete your instagram. Or twitter, snapchat or whatever it is you’re scrolling through. Nah. I am not gonna do it myself. Instagram (in small, normal doses) can be a great thing and really get you inspired and connected. It can.

Getting online to see what your faves posted on youtube or their blog, I fully support that. People spend hours and hours and put a ton of talent, work and skill into creating that content, that art. We’re the generation of sharing online, of becoming successful and starting business online. We are ALL over, what we put out is in the world, for the world to see and enjoy. That shit it awesome, I am clapping my hands for all we do and produce and create and give to eachother.

But, let’s lay off the mindless scrolling and this visual crack and use it as a tool, not as a drug and poison.

My plan? Use it as a mini blog. A message board. Come on it when I have something to post, something to say, and leave. Until the next day or 3 or 6 of 10 days after, when I have something to post again. Allow myself to see how my friends are doing for  30 minutes, an hour maybe once a week (let’s be real, more often than that, I’m not even interested in what anyone is up to). And keep repeating myself I’m so much more than a loser glued to their phone.

And I’m not saying all of this to say I’m better or smarter or more enlightened than you. I’m doing it for my damn self and because I think it’s needed.

But yes, I am sharing it in hopes to at least get you interested. Just some food for thought I hope you get to munch on.

Let’s keep doing bigger and better things! ❤

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